Leaving an abusive relationship
Domestic abuse can take many forms — including coercive control, physical, emotional, psychological, or financial abuse. Whatever you are experiencing, please know that you are not alone, and help is available.
It is never too early or too late to leave an abusive partner.
Your safety matters most. If you decide to leave, planning your exit carefully can make it safer. Sometimes abuse can increase if your partner suspects you are leaving, or even after you have left. This is why leaving can be a dangerous time, but it is also the first step toward building a new life.
At Nottingham Central Women’s Aid, we are here to stand alongside you. We provide safe accommodation, practical support, and courses designed to empower women and help you process your experiences at any stage.
How to prepare to leave
If you are not able to leave today, you can take small steps to prepare for the time when you are ready.
Identify safe people and places
Make a list of trusted friends or safe places (that your partner does not know about).
You may also want to create a code word with friends, family, or neighbours that signals you are in danger and need help.
If possible, agree on a secret location where they can pick you up.
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Keep a spare phone if possible
A simple ‘pay as you go’ phone can be a lifeline if your partner takes away your main phone.
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Memorise key phone numbers
Memorise the National Domestic Violence Helpline, which is a 24 hour, 7 day a week free phone number:
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If you can memorise some of your friends’ or family’s numbers, then you will still be able to contact them when you leave, even if your partner takes your phone.
Gather essentials if it’s safe to do so
If you are able to, consider putting aside items such as:
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Extra set of car keys which you can grab if your partner takes away your usual keys
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Any medicines that you or your children need
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Any evidence of the abuse or violence (e.g. threatening notes, pictures of your injuries or damage to your property)
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Additional identity documents (e.g. birth certificates, immigration papers for you and your children)
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Clothing and sanitary items for a few days (e.g. an overnight bag)
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Financial information (e.g. bank statements, mortgage statements, lease details, e.g. for a car)
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A written copy of phone numbers or important addresses in case you cannot get to your mobile phone or address book
If possible, you might also consider opening a bank account in your own name to keep money safely.
If you are in immediate danger leave without them.
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Protect your online security
Stay safe and ensure your partner can not track your history on any device at home.
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Use a computer at a public library to download information, or use a friend’s computer or mobile phone.
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Try to save copies of all paper and electronic documents on an external USB drive which you can hide.
Read our section on covering your tracks for more advice.
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Where will I live?
We can provide emergency refuge accommodation for women who need a safe place to stay.
Find out more on our emergency accommodation page.
For a full list of services we can provide, take a look at our services page.
Remember you are not alone
Many women have taken these steps and found safety, support, and a new beginning. At Nottingham Central Women’s Aid, we are here to help you too.
Read real experiences on our impact page, explore life after leaving, or visit our page on recognising abuse if you want to understand more about your situation.