Worried about someone else?
Sometimes we notice changes in a friend or loved one — they may seem quieter, more withdrawn, or anxious after being with their partner or family member. You might see them being treated with hostility, controlling behaviour, or constant criticism. These could be signs of domestic abuse.
It can be hard to know what’s going on, and even harder to know how to help. This page is here to guide you in recognising the signs and offering support in a safe, compassionate way.
Recognising domestic abuse
Women’s Aid defines domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It is very common. In the vast majority of cases it is experienced by women and is perpetrated by men.
Recognising abuse can be difficult, but some common signs include:
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Attempts to stop someone seeing friends or family
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Jealousy or possessiveness
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Signs of anxiety, fear, withdrawal, or depression
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Physical violence or threats
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Persistent calling or messaging when apart
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Pressure or coercion into unwanted sexual activity
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Controlling all finances
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Harassment or stalking after a relationship ends
See our page on recognising abuse for more in depth information.
If you’re worried about someone
If you think a friend or loved one may be experiencing abuse, you can gently open a conversation. Let them know you’ve noticed changes and that you care. They may not be ready to talk right away, so it’s important to be patient and give them space. When they are ready, try to find a quiet moment to speak without distractions.
If someone has confided in you
If someone chooses to confide in you about experiencing abuse, your response matters. You can make a real difference by offering understanding, encouragement, and practical help.
Remember to:
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Listen without judgement and avoid blaming them
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Acknowledge their courage in speaking up
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Give them time to talk and share
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Validate that they are in a difficult and frightening situation
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Reassure them that no one should live in fear
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Encourage them to express their feelings and make their own decisions
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Avoid telling them to leave before they’re ready — that decision must be theirs
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Offer to accompany them to a hospital, GP, or other support services if they have been harmed
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Help them report abuse to the police if they wish
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Share information about organisations that can help
What next?
If you are worried about yourself or someone else, you can call the National 24 Hour Domestic Violence Helpline:
Calls to this number are free, confidential, and will not appear in your call history. You can call anonymously if you wish, and interpreters are available for non-English speakers. For more information, see the Helpline FAQs.